Oliver Swanick is the super tsundere dating option
edit: okay neck looks slightly better
OliverSwanick.psd’s been sitting on my desktop for almost a month, finally finished the fucker. Hoping I can get Cass or Veronica done tonight! (fingers crossed)
omg why is he so weird-looking
… I kinda forgot I did this one.
How could you forget something as important as the MOTHERFUCKING LOTTERAYYY?
"Happy birthday," Oliver said to the lottery ticket in his hand, smiling as he looked down at the well worn and heavily folded piece of paper. He had been with the paper for an entire year now and had decided that the day of the lottery was the ticket's birthday and so he baked it a cake, resting it on top of the chocolate confection.
You can’t see it, but I am CRYING A SINGLE GOLDEN AMERICAN EAGLE TEAR RIGHT NOW.
My luck must be rubbing off on you. You'll have to win your own damn lottery though!
I can feel the luck working already!
![he used to be a lovely boy / an Oliver Swanick fanmix[ download - 85.95mb, 15 songs ]
01.) HOME IS A FIRE → death cab for cutie↳ home/home is a fire burning reminder/of where we belong
02.) THE LOTTERY → emilie haines & the soft skeleton↳ it’s a lottery, baby, everybody roll the dice
03.) THE WINNER IS → devotchka↳ [instrumental]
04.) OLIVER → the miserable rich↳ think of me in october the feast of saint oliver oliver
05.) FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE → bright eyes↳ this is the first day of my life/i swear i was born right in the doorway i went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
06.) LOTTERY WINNERS ON ACID → the crimea↳ we walk through the street/like lottery winners on acid
07.) LOOK AT ME NOW → chris brown↳ look at me now, look at me now/oh, i’m getting paper look at me now/oh look at me now fresher than a motherfucker
08.) DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA → geto boys↳ when the shit jumps off, what the fuck you gonna do damn it feels good to be a gangsta
09.) HE USED TO BE A LOVELY BOY → keane↳ time to leave this town/now your dreams have all let you down no one here will miss you now/time to wake up and look around
10.) HOW IT ENDS → devotchka↳ yeah, you already know how this will end there is no escape/from the slave-catchers’ songs/for all the loved ones gone
11.) BANG BANG (MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN) → nancy sinatra↳ bang bang, he shot me down/bang bang, i hit the ground bang bang, that awful sound/bang bang, my baby shot me down
12.) BORN TO DIE → lana del rey↳ choose your words/this is the last time ’cause you and i/we were born to die
13.) OLIVER → childs↳ [instrumental]
14.) LIFE AND DEATH → michael giacchino↳ [instrumental]
15.) THE LOTTERY SONG → harry niilson↳ i will buy a ticket/on the local lottery we could win the lottery/we could go to vegas and be very happy](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx7voaObGu1qapzqoo1_r2_500.png)
he used to be a lovely boy / an Oliver Swanick fanmix
[ download - 85.95mb, 15 songs ]
01.) HOME IS A FIRE → death cab for cutie
↳ home/home is a fire
burning reminder/of where we belong02.) THE LOTTERY → emilie haines & the soft skeleton
↳ it’s a lottery, baby, everybody roll the dice03.) THE WINNER IS → devotchka
↳ [instrumental]04.) OLIVER → the miserable rich
↳ think of me in october
the feast of saint oliver oliver05.) FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE → bright eyes
↳ this is the first day of my life/i swear i was born right in the doorway
i went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed06.) LOTTERY WINNERS ON ACID → the crimea
↳ we walk through the street/like lottery winners on acid07.) LOOK AT ME NOW → chris brown
↳ look at me now, look at me now/oh, i’m getting paper
look at me now/oh look at me now
fresher than a motherfucker08.) DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA → geto boys
↳ when the shit jumps off, what the fuck you gonna do
damn it feels good to be a gangsta09.) HE USED TO BE A LOVELY BOY → keane
↳ time to leave this town/now your dreams have all let you down
no one here will miss you now/time to wake up and look around10.) HOW IT ENDS → devotchka
↳ yeah, you already know how this will end
there is no escape/from the slave-catchers’ songs/for all the loved ones gone11.) BANG BANG (MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN) → nancy sinatra
↳ bang bang, he shot me down/bang bang, i hit the ground
bang bang, that awful sound/bang bang, my baby shot me down12.) BORN TO DIE → lana del rey
↳ choose your words/this is the last time
’cause you and i/we were born to die13.) OLIVER → childs
↳ [instrumental]14.) LIFE AND DEATH → michael giacchino
↳ [instrumental]15.) THE LOTTERY SONG → harry niilson
↳ i will buy a ticket/on the local lottery
we could win the lottery/we could go to vegas
and be very happy
thedeathspoon asked you:
What other Oliver Swanick gifs do you have? :’D
I’m putting these below a cut because nothing makes me feel weirder than spamming your guys’s dashes w/ American Beauty/Swanick gifs I’m pretty sure I made while I was on cold medication.
You are actually a jewel thief, infamous worldwide for your heists but nobody knows your identity. You have stolen billions in riches from the trickiest of vaults, museums, and personal collections, and sold all but one. A pristine diamond that gives off a light like the midday sun, that one day you will have set in a band of silver mined by the hardscrabble gnomes of Mt. Lottery, and you will hold it for the perfect bowlcut-sporting gentleman whom you shall deflower on a bed of lottery tickets.
The fact that I had half a dozen American Beauty/Oliver Swanick gifs already made on my computer probably says something about my personality that I would rather not delve into.
Happy holidays, guys! I hope you have a totally rockin’ week, whether you are big on winter festivities or not. I am probably going to be off devouring peppermint bark and candycanes, so I will see you in a bit!
Oliver motherfucking Swanick
I don’t know which one of these celebrity lookalikes
is the most confusing to me
How many people have asked for Oliver Swanick already?
Only one and a half, which is DISAPPOINTING
1. The Nipton lottery was the first thing Oliver Swanick ever won, and is also the only story he will ever tell his grandchildren.
2. “YEAH GRANDPA, WE GET IT, YOU WON SOME CONTEST AND DIDN’T GET CRUCIFIED AND IT WAS AWESOME CAN WE JUST GO BACK TO PLAYING KICK THE IRRADIATED CAN.”
3. “BUT DON’T YOU WANT TO HEAR HOW SWEET THAT AIR SMELLED?”
4. “I WOULD RATHER CHOKE ON AN IRRADIATED DICK.”
5. Oliver Swanick wanted the Courier to smell that air because up until the Nipton lottery, Oliver Swanick suffered from an acute case of anosmia and was physically unable to smell, an affliction that had pained him since birth. To this day the smell of burning bodies fills him with a pleasant nostalgia.
6. Oliver Swanick sometimes writes Vulpes Inculta letters in a misguided attempt at friendship.
7. Vulpes has long since stopped reading those letters.
8. Oliver Swanick is not as swift as a coursing river, nor does he have the force of a great typhoon.
9. Oliver Swanick might not have the strength of a raging fire -
10. -but he is as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
